Sex Matters

This is something I have been thinking about for a while now as I have had several discussions with some of my friends and especially those looking to get married. Sex and intimacy in marriage is something that isn’t really discussed in Muslim communities. It’s treated like a taboo and we’re told it’s dirty or disgusting so we go into marriage with this mentality and it causes so much stress for so many people.

Girls are told it’s a bad thing and boys are told they can have sex all they want when they’re married so we give them no guidance and then leave them alone in a room. This isn’t okay. We can’t drill this into the youth and then wonder why they have marriage issues or issues in intimacy.

We need to be teaching intimacy properly, in Islam it’s an act of worship and we are rewarded for it. So then how can we be treating it like it is something dirty? Just to stop girls from being sexually active outside of marriage we scar them. If it’s an act of worship why aren’t boys taught they also need to satisfy their wives and women have desires too. Why do we tell them that their wife is there to please them but not that they are also there to please her?

We have created a society where we simultaneously say sex is bad but the moment a couple is married everyone is telling them they need to have children. How do you think this is going to happen? They think, baby, and they magically get one? NO! So then why create this environment and turn something beautiful and a way to express love into something that girls will think is disgusting and boys think it is just for their pleasure?

When we do teach about intimacy it is more a list of rules and regulations and while that is absolutely important. Intimacy is more than that and should solely be reduced down to that. It’s a way of expressing love and satisfying each others desires. It should be mutual and both should feel satisfied. Women are especially shamed for thinking about their sexual desires even though it is natural. Every single person has a sex drive and for women to feel shamed by it isn’t healthy. Both men and women need to learn to control their desires but they shouldn’t be shamed for having feelings. So when they go into a marriage that feeling of shame lingers and then the women don’t feel like they can express their desires because it’s a shameful thing to do they often are left unsatisfied and unable to say anything.

We need to learn how to have these conversations with our youth, we need to create an environment where they can ask questions and not be shamed for it. We need to teach them and guide them so they can grow up and create a safe and open environment with their spouses where both are happy and satisfied with the intimacy. I’m tired of hearing how many single women are scared of being intimate or that married women are feeling unsatisfied in their intimate life with their husband and we need to change and do better.

Inspiring Women Throughout History – Hafsah bint Umar (ra)

Hafsah was a wife of the Prophet (pbuh), before marrying him (pbuh) she was married to Hisn ibn Hudhafah he passed away after the Battle of Badr and then she married the Prophet (pbuh).  

She was an incredible woman who had a fiery personality. Her name derives from the Arabic word for lion and it is said that she lived up to her name! She had a strong personality and wasn’t afraid to speak up and give her opinions.

She was one of the few people who could read and write as at that time most people couldn’t as they had an oral tradition. She had memorised the Quran and was given the responsibility of being the  guardian of the Quran as all the verses which had been revealed were written down and it was her who was given the responsibility of looking after it. This was so important as this was how later the companions were able to piece all of it together for us to have the Quran that we read today. Without her it may not have been possible. She and all that she had kept safe were the primary sources when Uthmaan (ra) made the Quran into a single book.

She was also known for her wisdom and being able to give great advice. Her father was the second Caliph and when she found out that he hadn’t said who would succeed him as the next Caliph she went and advised him to choose to avoid fighting and division amongst the people.

Her and Aisha (ra) were known to be really close despite when she first married the Prophet (pbuh), Aisha felt jealous but eventually they became really close as they tended to always agree on the same matters and it was as if they were sisters. Hafsah supported Aisha when the hypocrites tried to attack the Prophet (pbuh) by spreading slander and lies about Aisha being unfaithful.

She was someone who loved to learn and spent a lot of time studying and had an inquisitive nature who often spent time discussing the finer points in Islam with the Prophet (pbuh). Sometimes she would even question him or argue her point, not to be rude, but because she was the type of person who just needed to know the answer. Her father once told her off for arguing with the Prophet (pbuh) but another wife came to her defence asking him why he is interfering in matters between a husband and wife.

She was an incredible woman who was entrusted with the most important thing at the time, the papers which had all the verses of the Quran and was integral in ensuring that the verses and chapters were all correctly bound together. She was fiery and passionate and did not shy away from asking difficult questions. She was opinionated and stood her ground.

Ways to Make the Most of Dhul Hijjah

The first 10 days of Dhul Hijjah are the most blessed days like the last 10 nights of Ramadan are the most blessed nights. So we should make the most of these days.

These days of Dhul Hijjah are so blessed because Allah completed the religion in these 10 days. All of the 5 pillars are present in these 10 days. Shahadah, praying, fasting, charity, and hajj which cannot be done at any other time. So we can complete all 5 pillars in these days which cannot be done at any other time of the year.

So I just wanted to share some of the things which are encouraged to do on these 10 days

Make Takbeer

Tahleel – La ilaha  illallah

Takbeer – Allahu Akbar

Tasbeeh – Subhanallah

Tahmeed – Alhamdulillah

There are no days that are greater before Allah or in which good deeds are more beloved to Him, that these 10 days so recite a great deal of tahleel, takbeer, and tahmeed during them. (Ahmad)

Fasting

It is encouraged to fast the first 9 days of Dhul Hijjah and we are especially encouraged to fast on the 9^th day which is the day of Arafah.

Fasting on the day of Arafah is an expiation for the preceding year and the following year. (Muslim)

Fulfil obligations

When we try to make the most of these days we need to remember that we have obligations to Allah and the people which we cannot neglect. So for example we need to make sure we perform our 5 daily prayers and fulfil our responsibilities to those who we are responsible for.

Increase in Good Deeds

We should try to increase in as many good deeds as we can during these days.

Some examples are; praying nafl prayers, increasing in how much Quran we read, giving in Sadaqah and making istigfar

There are no days in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these 10 days. (Bukhari)

Perform Hajj

This is something that not everyone can do but for those that have the means and ability it is obligatory for them to perform Hajj at least once in their lifetime.

Hajj is one of the 5 pillars of Islam so we should do our utmost best to perform hajj if we are able.

Give Qurbani

Even if we can’t perform Hajj we can still give Qurbani which is the sacrifice of an animal. Today there are many charities we can donate the money to so that the meat from the sacrificed animal will go to the poor and needy.

It is a way for us to connect to Ibrahim and reminding ourselves of the faith he had in Allah and that we should strive to build our faith and connection with Allah too.

For every hair of the Qurban you receive a reward from Allah.” (Tirmidhi)

Quran Reflections – A Glimpse of Jannah

I have been meaning to share some of my quranic reflections on here as it is an important part of my life and I thought that as Ramadan is approaching, I would start sharing some now. Sometimes I read an ayah (verse) in the Quran and I am left amazed at how it is the one ayah I needed to read at the time. It really makes me reflect on what I was reading so I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you all.

I love that in the Quran, Allah gives us a glimpse of what Jannah (heaven) will be like. He (swt) tells us about gardens, rivers, food; things that we can see on the earth. And because we can see these things, we can imagine, to our best ability, what Jannah will be like. And because we can see the beauty on the earth, it makes us long for Jannah. We know that no matter how beautiful earth is, Jannah will be so much better. The beauty of the earth is nothing compared to the beauty of Jannah and I just long to see it. If we could not understand what was being described about Jannah, we wouldn’t long for it like we do. This longing helps us to strive for Jannah.

When I’m struggling, when I’m going through something difficult and I am really stressed, Allah has put these beautiful descriptions of Jannah in the Quran to help us through. Not only describing what Jannah will be like but also telling us that we won’t experience any hardship or sadness or pain or fear in Jannah. That’s one of the most amazing things that Allah could have shared with us. That in Jannah there is no pain, no sadness, no suffering. At all. Ever. For eternity. This completely blows my mind. Please let me be able to experience that.

Sometimes there are things that I really want or something I am hoping will happen, but it doesn’t. We are disappointed and we can’t always have the things we want. But in Jannah we can have whatever we want. We just have to think it and we will get it, whether it’s food, books, clothes, anything! It will literally be a thought in our head, and it will be in front of us. I could spend days doing everything and anything I want. Just thinking about it makes me sob.

Knowing these things about Jannah helps us to keep going when we feel like we can’t continue. When we feel like the pain won’t ever go away, knowing that we can live pain free for an eternity can push us to keep going. Because my life on earth is temporary and nothing stays the same in our lives on earth. We have good times and bad times; it is always changing. But in Jannah it is only good things, only exactly what we want. I can’t begin to explain how much my heart longs for this.

I could literally spend my days in Jannah reading and chilling with Sherlock all day, every day if I wanted. That’s the dream! Thinking of Jannah honestly gives me such motivation to continue to strive because oh my gosh I really want to spend an eternity in Jannah.

Books I Love By Authors In The UK – Part 1

In this post I want to share some of my favourite books by authors in the UK. I feel like several of these authors deserve more love and that you should all go read their books!

1 The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon – I am impatiently waiting for the next book because I love this series so much!

2 The Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton – I adore this trilogy! And Alwyn has recently announced that she will be releasing a new series set in the same world!

3 The Summoner and Contender series by Taran Matharu – I loved the Summoner books and I recently read the first Contender book and loved it too! It’s also ownvoices! You can read my reviews of The Outcast here and of The Chosen here

4 All the Things we Never Said by Yasmin Rahman – A book dealing with mental health and suicidal thoughts and how important friendship can be. You can read my review here

5 Viper by Bex Hogan – Pirates and Assassins and a bloodthirsty and violent world and I loved it! You can read my review here

6 Darren Shan Saga by Darren Shan – A childhood favourite about vampires and I really loved the whole series!

7 Gilded Cage trilogy and Sanctuary by Vic James – A dystopian UK where those who don’t have powers must serve those with powers for 10 years and are effectively slaves for that period. Sanctuary is a dark witchy book and I loved all of her books! You can read my review of Sanctuary here

8 She Wore Red Trainers by Naima B Robert – I really love all the books Naima rights but especially this one as it’s a Muslim love story! You can read my review here

9 You’re Crushing It by Lex Croucher – I really loved reading through this book. It’s about mental health, building your self-esteem and so much more.

10 I Am Thunder and Kick the Moon by Muhammad Khan – Both deal with very relevant issues and I highly recommend reading them! You can read my review of Kick the Moon here

11 A Pocketful of Stars by Aisha Bushby – I really loved this book that deals with growing apart from friends, being true to yourself and standing up for what’s right. You can read my review here

12 Jinxed by Amy Alward – This book was one of those books that I came across accidently but I ended up falling in love! It’s a dystopian sci-fi with unapologetically nerdy, smart female characters who excel in STEM areas. You can read my review here

So when I started writing this post I actually realised I knew a lot more UK authors than I thought so there will be a part 2 posted in a couple days!